ZIP Beep #4 - 11/9/84
WORTHLESS KNOWLEDGE GAME
If you're among the many who are pursuing trivial questions
around a game board, you know the joys of showing your command of
But with each move, you're using up your question/answer cards.
It's time to start thinking about replacements.
You could buy the sports or movie cards put out by the game's
creator. But do you really want to show off your worthless
knowledge about sports and movies? Of course not! Why stop
there when you can impress your friends and family with truly
Now you can, with ZIP Beep's replacement question/answer cards,
Worthless Knowledge Edition.
The Worthless Knowledge Edition gives you 100 replacement cards,
each with 5 questions that are totally without scholastic
The catagories are as follows -- BRown = Television History;
BLue = Wiseguy Remarks; Green = Harpo Marx Answers; Orange =
Name That Tune; Pink = Significant Events in 2005 AD.
Each set costs just $250 prepaid. (We know that's expensive,
but what the heck? You probably paid too much for the original
game. Can you blame us for wanting a piece of the action?)
Take a look at your supply of question/answer cards. Running
low? Let us help. To get you started, here are three Worthless
Knowledge Edition replacement cards. Just print them out, cut
along the -------- and fold along the xxxxxxx.
| (BR)Who was the first TV |
| newscaster (hint: he's still |
| ticking)? |
| (BL)Won't you join me? |
| (G) Could you tell me where |
| I could find a phone? |
| (O) Ho! Hey Ho! Ho! Hey Ho! |
| (P) What is the new name of the |
| recently reformed acid |
| rock group? |
| (BR)John Cameron Swayze |
| (BL)Why, are you coming apart? |
| (G) Honk! |
| (O) Mrs. Vanderbuilt |
| -Paul McCartney |
| (P) Jefferson Time Machine |
| (BR)Who drove a bus and was |
| married to Alice |
| (BL)Did you take a bath? |
| (G) Say, what is this? |
| (O) Die die die! Die die die die |
| die die die. |
| (P) Who won the war? |
| (BR)Ralph Kramden |
| (BL)No, is one missing? |
| (G) Honk! |
| (O) The Boxer |
| -Paul Simon |
| (P) We did |
| (BR)What doesn't really matter, |
| but still exists in space? |
| (BL)Got a match? |
| (G) What's the matter with you? |
| (O) Da da da dum! Da da da DUM! |
| (P) Who rediscovered California? |
| (BR)Television History |
| (BL)Your face and the south end |
| of a horse walking north |
| (G) Honk! |
| (O) Fifth Symphony |
| -Beethoven |
| (P) A party of skindivers |
| from Mars |
ZIP BEEP #4
REPORT FROM THE FRONT END
by Gary R. Finseth, correspondent at large
United Pest International - Friday November 9th, 1984
(Edina, Minnesota) Tragedy struck this Minneapolis suburb today,
as millions of bits were killed or maimed in a massive
bidirectional bit collision.
The accident occured at Glitch Systems, Inc., on a Neithernet
Local Area Netwurst from Z-Rocks Corporation.
What was apparently a simultaneous transmission from two of the
LAN nodes within pico-seconds of each other resulted in this
disasterous meeting of two groups of bits. Megabits were left
dazed, crippled or dead, but neither group appeared to get the
better of the other.
Policebits, paramedicbits and other servicebits spent the better
part of several milliseconds cleaning up the mess and reopening
The incredible coincidence raised speculation about the
possibility of an organized terrorist program which may have
deliberately induced the disaster. While authorities suspect the
Computer Radicals Association of Sociopathic Hackers (CRASH),
that file denies any involvement.
ZIP Beep #4
LAST CALL FOR ENTRIES
The winner of ZIP Beep's OLD FOOL contest will be announced in
the next issue.
To review the contest rules, enter "Z03" at the "Command>"
Entries are due on or before November 20. You may submit your
entries via the Corkboard (HUMOR Catagory, ZIP Beep Subject), or
via the Suggestion Box if you're shy, or drop it in the mail if
you want to waste twenty cents (ZIP Beep, c/o CBC, 511 Eleventh
Av So, Box 63, Mpls 55415).
The winning entry will be reprinted. Win fame and a floppy
disk! Enter ZIP Beep's OLD FOOL contest today!
ZIP Beep #4
MOVIE REVIEW - ELECTRODE WARRIOR
The Austrailians prove it once again. They know how to make
exciting movies down under.
ELECTRODE WARRIOR takes place unknown years in the future. What
we would call civilization is practically dead. Streets and
highways are deserted. Instead of walking to the corner deli for
a pastrami sandwich, most citizens use their computers to order
lunch pellets. The pellets are delivered by high speed wind
tubes controlled by the government.
And nobody ever sees anybody else, except on TV. The only form
of conversation is held over telephone lines. Even then, people
usually use their computers to communicate.
Naturally, the population is dwindling. The world is taking on
the appearance of a wasteland. People live underground, alone,
in little boxes equipped with TVs, computers and food pellet
dispensers, all tightly in the grip of the government.
There is one outpost of civilized life. In a guarded compound
near the deserted city of Ames, Iowa, a bold group of visionary
humans are engaged in an effort to grow and can vegetables. But
government officials sporting regulation mohawk haircuts and
other outlandish uniforms of the future are under orders to
protect the state's monopoly on food.
These two groups never encounter each other physically.
Instead, they exchange taunts and criticism over closed circuit
TV. Due to a general lack of direct human contact over the
years, this form of warfare is effective. Criticism is one of
the most painful forms of punishment (even in our own time), and
these supersensitive individuals find it almost impossible to
endure. The officials suffer some casualties due to verbal
abuse, but the visionaries are in worse shape.
Enter the Electrode Warrior.
The Electrode Warrior is known only as Fax. His past is cloudy.
But his need is clear when he demonstrates his ability to travel
over phone lines. Although he's a loner without a cause, his aid
is enlisted by the visionaries. Fax is persuaded to help get the
vegetables to market via modem.
It's no easy task. The government officials know his baud rate.
And they'll do anything they can to stop him from converting the
vegetables to binary digits.
Okay. So it's a little esoteric. So a lot of things are left
unexplained, like why the visionaries don't use the abandoned
highways to transport their vegetables. Still, the movie works.
The clash between Fax and the wildly-dressed officials brings on
a climax that's almost as good as real life. It may be
unbelievable, but it's not a bad movie. With a little luck, the
sequel (EGAD, FAX! due for release next summer) will fill us in
on some of the missing details.
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