ZIP Beep #4 - 11/9/84

If you're among the many who are pursuing trivial questions around a game board, you know the joys of showing your command of worthless knowledge.

But with each move, you're using up your question/answer cards. It's time to start thinking about replacements.

You could buy the sports or movie cards put out by the game's creator. But do you really want to show off your worthless knowledge about sports and movies? Of course not! Why stop there when you can impress your friends and family with truly worthless facts?

Now you can, with ZIP Beep's replacement question/answer cards, Worthless Knowledge Edition.

The Worthless Knowledge Edition gives you 100 replacement cards, each with 5 questions that are totally without scholastic redeeming value.

The catagories are as follows -- BRown = Television History; BLue = Wiseguy Remarks; Green = Harpo Marx Answers; Orange = Name That Tune; Pink = Significant Events in 2005 AD.

Each set costs just $250 prepaid. (We know that's expensive, but what the heck? You probably paid too much for the original game. Can you blame us for wanting a piece of the action?)

Take a look at your supply of question/answer cards. Running low? Let us help. To get you started, here are three Worthless Knowledge Edition replacement cards. Just print them out, cut along the -------- and fold along the xxxxxxx.


 | (BR)Who was the first TV          |

 |     newscaster (hint: he's still  |

 |     ticking)?                     |

 | (BL)Won't you join me?            |

 | (G) Could you tell me where       |

 |     I could find a phone?         |

 | (O) Ho! Hey Ho! Ho! Hey Ho!       |

 | (P) What is the new name of the   |

 |     recently reformed acid        |

 |     rock group?                   |


 | (BR)John Cameron Swayze           |

 |                                   |

 | (BL)Why, are you coming apart?    |

 |                                   |

 | (G) Honk!                         |

 |                                   |

 | (O) Mrs. Vanderbuilt              |

 |       -Paul McCartney             |

 |                                   |

 | (P) Jefferson Time Machine        |





 | (BR)Who drove a bus and was       |

 |     married to Alice              |

 |                                   |

 | (BL)Did you take a bath?          |

 |                                   |

 | (G) Say, what is this?            |

 |                                   |

 | (O) Die die die!  Die die die die |

 |     die die die.                  |

 | (P) Who won the war?              |


 | (BR)Ralph Kramden                 |

 |                                   |

 | (BL)No, is one missing?           |

 |                                   |

 | (G) Honk!                         |

 |                                   |

 | (O) The Boxer                     |

 |       -Paul Simon                 |

 |                                   |

 | (P) We did                        |









 | (BR)What doesn't really matter,   |

 |     but still exists in space?    |

 |                                   |

 | (BL)Got a match?                  |

 |                                   |

 | (G) What's the matter with you?   |

 |                                   |

 | (O) Da da da dum!  Da da da DUM!  |

 |                                   |

 | (P) Who rediscovered California?  |


 | (BR)Television History            |

 |                                   |

 | (BL)Your face and the south end   |

 |     of a horse walking north      |

 | (G) Honk!                         |

 |                                   |

 | (O) Fifth Symphony                |

 |       -Beethoven                  |

 | (P) A party of skindivers         |

 |     from Mars                     |



by Gary R. Finseth, correspondent at large

United Pest International - Friday November 9th, 1984
(Edina, Minnesota) Tragedy struck this Minneapolis suburb today, as millions of bits were killed or maimed in a massive bidirectional bit collision.

The accident occured at Glitch Systems, Inc., on a Neithernet Local Area Netwurst from Z-Rocks Corporation.

What was apparently a simultaneous transmission from two of the LAN nodes within pico-seconds of each other resulted in this disasterous meeting of two groups of bits. Megabits were left dazed, crippled or dead, but neither group appeared to get the better of the other.

Policebits, paramedicbits and other servicebits spent the better part of several milliseconds cleaning up the mess and reopening the LAN.

The incredible coincidence raised speculation about the possibility of an organized terrorist program which may have deliberately induced the disaster. While authorities suspect the Computer Radicals Association of Sociopathic Hackers (CRASH), that file denies any involvement.

ZIP Beep #4

The winner of ZIP Beep's OLD FOOL contest will be announced in the next issue.

To review the contest rules, enter "Z03" at the "Command>" prompt.

Entries are due on or before November 20. You may submit your entries via the Corkboard (HUMOR Catagory, ZIP Beep Subject), or via the Suggestion Box if you're shy, or drop it in the mail if you want to waste twenty cents (ZIP Beep, c/o CBC, 511 Eleventh Av So, Box 63, Mpls 55415).

The winning entry will be reprinted. Win fame and a floppy disk! Enter ZIP Beep's OLD FOOL contest today!

ZIP Beep #4

The Austrailians prove it once again. They know how to make exciting movies down under.

ELECTRODE WARRIOR takes place unknown years in the future. What we would call civilization is practically dead. Streets and highways are deserted. Instead of walking to the corner deli for a pastrami sandwich, most citizens use their computers to order lunch pellets. The pellets are delivered by high speed wind tubes controlled by the government.

And nobody ever sees anybody else, except on TV. The only form of conversation is held over telephone lines. Even then, people usually use their computers to communicate.

Naturally, the population is dwindling. The world is taking on the appearance of a wasteland. People live underground, alone, in little boxes equipped with TVs, computers and food pellet dispensers, all tightly in the grip of the government.

There is one outpost of civilized life. In a guarded compound near the deserted city of Ames, Iowa, a bold group of visionary humans are engaged in an effort to grow and can vegetables. But government officials sporting regulation mohawk haircuts and other outlandish uniforms of the future are under orders to protect the state's monopoly on food.

These two groups never encounter each other physically. Instead, they exchange taunts and criticism over closed circuit TV. Due to a general lack of direct human contact over the years, this form of warfare is effective. Criticism is one of the most painful forms of punishment (even in our own time), and these supersensitive individuals find it almost impossible to endure. The officials suffer some casualties due to verbal abuse, but the visionaries are in worse shape.

Enter the Electrode Warrior.

The Electrode Warrior is known only as Fax. His past is cloudy. But his need is clear when he demonstrates his ability to travel over phone lines. Although he's a loner without a cause, his aid is enlisted by the visionaries. Fax is persuaded to help get the vegetables to market via modem.

It's no easy task. The government officials know his baud rate. And they'll do anything they can to stop him from converting the vegetables to binary digits.

Okay. So it's a little esoteric. So a lot of things are left unexplained, like why the visionaries don't use the abandoned highways to transport their vegetables. Still, the movie works.

The clash between Fax and the wildly-dressed officials brings on a climax that's almost as good as real life. It may be unbelievable, but it's not a bad movie. With a little luck, the sequel (EGAD, FAX! due for release next summer) will fill us in on some of the missing details.

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