FORWARD - 1996 Introduction to the back issues of ZIP Beep! on the web.

(Read this first.)

ZIP Beep!

A Monthly Humor Periodical

Chuck Strinz - Editor
Don Fitzwater - Associate Editor

(c) Entire contents copyright 1984 - 1989
Strinz Creative, Inc.
unless otherwise noted

All incidents, situations, and products depicted or described in ZIP Beep are fictional, and any similarity, without satiric intent, of characters presented therein to living persons is coincidental. Views and attitudes expressed in ZIP Beep are not necessarily those of the local information provider or service bureau that makes this feature available to you, or of the BBS Press Service. Reader submissions are welcome. Upon publication, submissions become the exclusive property of Strinz Creative, Inc..


Issue #1 - 9/30/84

EDITORIAL
MOVIE REVIEW - PRAWN
CONTEST!!! - NAME YOUR FAVORITE OLD FOOL
INSIDE DIZZYLAND
DR. HOWZZAT? - PART 1

Issue #2 - 10/12/84

CABLE TV LISTINGS ... because we care
COMPUTER REVIEW ... because it was there
THE WRITE IN PARTY PLATFORM ... because it's fair
CARTONES .. because we're in gear, er, gare
A MODEST POLITICAL PROPOSAL ... because we dare

Issue #3 - 10/26/84

SCAREY STUFF ... Get scared for Halloween
ORIGINS OF COMPUTER SUPERHEROES SERIES ... Get the facts on Ward Christiansen. Or make up your own.
CIA GUERRILLA 1 COMPUTER USERS MANUAL ... Get a head in Latin America
DR. HOWZZAT? - PART II ... Get the next installment here and now.

Issue #4 - 11/9/84

WORTHLESS KNOWLEDGE GAME - replacement cards for your favorite timewaster
REPORT FROM THE FRONT END - Gary Finseth breaks an astounding story to bits
LAST CALL FOR ENTRIES TO THE OLD FOOL CONTEST
MOVIE REVIEW - ELECTRODE WARRIOR

Issue #5 - 12/7/84

ANOTHER EDITORIAL (and about time, too)
DUDLEY RIGGS INTERVIEW - Part I (sort of about time)
OLD FOOL CONTEST WINNER (certainly about time!)
ANTIMATER UNIVERSE NEWS (about as spacey as it gets)

Issue #6 - 1/4/85

TEN 10 WHATEVER OF 1984 LIST LIST: ZIP Beep recognizes the yearly ritual in its own fashion
THE TRINARY COMPUTER: Another Breakthrough from Gary Finseth, reporter at large ... or could be, maybe not.
PERSONALITY ROBOTS: How about next year?
MOTION PICTURE CODES: Why stop with PG-13?
DUDLEY RIGGS INTERVIEW - PART II

Issue #7 - 2/8/85

TAIWANESE ENGLISH. Please to read?
GERRY'S BACK AND OUT FOR BLOOD. Steve Anderson joins the staff and assures us that Mrs. Ferraro is on the comeback trail. But then, he also says he's the One True Steve Anderson.
A GUIDE TO NEW NAMES FOR OLD PLACES. Come to the land of enchanted crystals.
DUDLEY RIGGS INTERVIEW - PART III

Issue #8 - 3/8/85

GENERAL DOGMATICS. Some government subcontractors have it ruff.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, BUY IT. Senator Helms wants breathing room.
PLATENAPPERS BEWARE. Sound advice from the One True Steve Anderson.
FROM RUSSIA WITH LANGUAGE. or, "Who was that babushka I saw you with last night?"

Issue #9 - 4/19/85 (All Sports Issue)

BOYS OF SUMMER WILL BE BOYS. The One True Steve Anderson gives us an interesting lineup.
HOT MICRO INTERFACEOFFS. Another Report From the Front End by Gary Finseth.
THE TREE FROM MY YARD. Tim Murray lays his cards on the table.
THE TAG TEAM MATCH OF THE CENTURY. Another pro wrestling exclusive from ZIP Beep.

Issue #10 - 5/17/85 (Bad Taste Issue)

SATANIC MYSTERIES REVEALED. Heed the warnings of Greenscreen, all ye consumers.
NEW TWIN CITIES RADIO STATION ANNOUNCED. Another Report From the Front End by our own radio star computer smartguy, Gary Finseth.
EXCERPTS FROM "THE DIGNITARY'S QUARTERLY." The One True Steve Anderson shares thoughts from one of his favorite magazines.
BBS BS. Jim Reider's LOCAL feature runs amuck in ZIP Beep.

Issue #11 - 6/21/85 (Sweetness & Light Issue)

YET ANOTHER EDITORIAL. More ramblings from Fearless Leader
NEW COKE IS HERE. And new contributor Bob Reeves doesn't like it.
BUMPER SUNS. The One True Steve Anderson asks "Have you hugged your dog head today?"
DR. HOWZZAT? PART III - TURMOIL

Issue #12 - 7/19/85

INTERSTELLAR MEGAMEGAMALL PROPOSED. Newly announced plans for convention center to include world's biggest everything.
ANOTHER EXTREMIST GROUP HIJACKS PLANE. On-Target BBS sysop Peter Leppik uncovers an earthbound but upwardly mobile terrorist organization in his first exclusive report for ZIP Beep.
MOVIE REVIEW: RAMBEL: LOST BLOOD PART ONE. War is hell. So is this film.
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAUL LIPP. Brought to you by twenty-mule teams, borax, and the One True Steve Anderson.

Issue #13 - 8/16/85

BASEBALL OWNERS THREATEN STRIKE. Just when you thought it was safe to go back home.
ALICE A. MICRO. A logical love poem by new contributor M. L. Larsen
FAA MEMO. Peter Leppik has uncovered an interesting series of proposed safety tests.
THE STRANDING OF RADIO RAY. Gary Finseth asks, "Can Radio Ray make it back to the Cities in time to save us all?"
ODE ON A POLYKARP KUSH. An unabashed call for contributions from one of our favorite readers.

Issue #14 - 9/20/85

FIRST ANNIVERSARY EDITORIAL. More ramblings from a misguided soul.
ECO-BUM. Don Fitzwater takes time out from duties at Belly Laffs night club to ask us for spare change.
RADIO-CONTROLLED GRIDIRON GAMES - THE FOOTBALL OF THE FUTURE. The ultiimate pastime for armchair quarterbacks.
REAGAN ADMINISTRATION BACKS SOLUTION TO LATIN AMERICAN PROBLEM. Peter Leppik reports on another breakthrough in international relations.
U.S. GOVERNMENT BOUNTY HUNTERS WANTED. Now showing: Bounty on the Mutiny.

Issue #15 - 10/18/85 (All Peter Leppik Issue)

ALL-PETER-LEPPIK ISSUE EDITORIAL. You asked for it. Well, somebody did, anyway
REVISED PLAN FOR AIRPORT GAMBLING. It's a probable 12 to 7 -- but call ahead to confirm, just in case.
A NEW IDEA COMES TO LIGHT. Revealing words from vacuum-headed leaders who speak for all bright laborers.
HIGHWAY 12 IS A COMMUNIST PLOT
SOFTWARE FOR THE LOWEST COMPUTING DENOMINATOR. Revealed: A new development in computer technology that's smarter than it thinks.

Issue #16 - 11/22/85

BERNO WALKER - THE FORGOTTEN FOURTH WALKER SPY. John, Arthur and Michael Walker have been convicted. Now meet Berno, the other Walker Brother.
MARKETING MANIA. A new consulting group specializes in finding unusual markets for its clients' products.
PREVIEW REVIEW. A first look at TV's second season.
IRONY ON THE RANGE. Governor Perpich hopes to help beat a path to Hibbing's door.

Issue #17 - 12/20/85

EASY STREET. It's anything but, according to Eco-Bum.
SELF DEFENSE INSTRUMENT. The High Frontier, all over your body.
U.S STEPS UP WAR ON DRUGS. Peter Leppik can't hear you, he has a controlled substance in his ear.
THE PROLETARIAT'S NEW CLOTHING. After Comrade Cardin finishes dressing the Soviets, maybe he'll redo the Iron Curtains.

Issue #18 - 1/17/86

THE COMPUTER IS DOWN. Belly Laffs' Musical Director Dennis Wallaker shares a song from his heart.
PROBLEMS REPORTED IN LIBYAN ARMED FORCES. Peter Leppik scoops the world again.
SAM SMAID, HOUSEPERSON. CQUill Editor Carol Moler introduces us to a poor soul out of his element.
TWO MINUTE WARNING. That loveable paranoic Greenscreen is back with a horror story as told to Don Fitzwater.

Issue #19 - 2/21/86

PHILIPPINE ENGLISH PRIMER. A guide to an important dialect.
JAY LENO INTERVIEW. One of America's master comics talks about life in the funny lane.
ONLINE SPEEDREADING SEMINAR. Know more than you can learn through this free, no-obligation, introductory lesson.
VIETLAND - A THEME PARK FOR THE 80'S. Don Fitzwater's half-acked play returns us to those thrilling days of yesteryear.

Issue #20 - 3/21/86

COMUKILL BILL INTRODUCED. The Final Solution.
SINCE ONE DAY EVERY PERSON. As one day it may happen.
THE REVERSE DOMINO THEORY. Things go better with smoke.

Issue #21 - 4/18/86 (All Don Fitzwater Issue)

WARNER BROTHERS ANNOUNCE NEW CARTOON CHARACTERS. Woo woo!
LASALLE CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL OF PUNK ROCK LYRICISM. Not affiliated with the Columbia School of Punk Broadcasting.,
911 - THE EMERGENCY IS GREATER THAN YOU THINK. Call at your own risk.
THE FAST FOOD PRAYER. Not for the squeamish.

Issue #22 - 5/16/86

POWER TO THE PEABRAINED. Myron LaDouche invites us to his Party.
CHICKEN KIEV. Get it while it's hot. But hurry. You only have a few centuries.
JERRY SEINFELD INTERVIEW. Another celebrity comedian talks to ZIP Beep.

ZIP Beep #23 - 6/20/86

SMOKE AID CONCERT TO BENEFIT TOBACCO FARMERS
GEREALO RIVERA EXPLORES HOUDINI'S LOST WAREHOUSE
DR. HOWZZAT? in THE LIFEFORCE OF THE TIMELORDS

ZIP Beep #24 - 7/18/86

YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY LOST
ALL AROUND TOWN
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, HOWARD COSELL

ZIP Beep #25 - 8/15/86

EDITORIAL - SOMETHINGS OLD, SOMETHINGS NEW
SOAP OPERA UPDATE
JUSTICE IS BLAND
SEPTEMBER HOROSCOPES

ZIP Beep #26 - 9/19/86

ROBOT BLUES
ENGLISH ENGLISH
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LAWRENCE WELK
THE CAT IN THE HAT COMES BACK - AGAIN

ZIP Beep #27 - 10/17/86

THE ADVENTURES OF SUPRAMAN
MISTER REAGAN
ROCKSPOT
A HALLOWEEN STORY

ZIP Beep #28 - 11/21/86

INSIDE LOOKING OUT
AUTO-ERROROTICA
A CHILD'S GARDEN OF QUOTABLE QUOTES
MY DINNER WITH ATLAS -OR- LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES

ZIP Beep #29 - 12/19/86

86 IT
WRONG RON ENDS UP FRED
ZIP BEEP'S CHRISTMAS CATALOGUE OF HIGH TECH TRINKETS
A WEIGHTWATCHER'S CHRISTMAS

ZIP Beep #30 - 1/16/87

WILL CASEY COME TO BAT
ZIP BEEP'S GUIDE TO THE NEW TAX LAWS
PRE-POSTHUMOUS NOTES PART 1
DAWN OF MANUALS

Issue #31 - 2/20/87

Issue #32 - 3/20/87

HI-DRECK SOFTWARE. Don Fitzwater has discovered an electronic office environment that might be too easy to understand.
WE ARE NOT ALONE. Greenscreen is back, crazy as ever.
PRE-POSTHUMOUS NOTES PART 3. The thrilling conclusion to Dennis Wallaker's examination of his life, his times, and what he messed up.
MONEY TRAIL. The Alternate Universe has sent us a game show.

Issue #33 - 4/17/87

Issue #34 - 5/22/87

THE ZIP BEEP GUIDE TO UNIVERSAL RULES, LAWS, BROMIDES, THEOREMS AND
AXIOMS. Don Fitzwater tells us what's what.
A MEANDERING. You never know who your friends are. Neither does Dennis Wallaker.
SUPERCOMPUTER SUPERFLOPPER. More than a bit off center.
DR. HOWZZAT? AND THE SENSE OF NONSENSE. The Doctor's back. Get out your handkerchiefs.

Issue #35 - 6/19/87

THE BALLAD OF BERNARD GOETZ. Sung to the tune of an old country-western song.
I'M OK, YOU'RE A BEEPER. Greenscreen listens in, and he doesn't like the tone of things.
CLEANING UP. Trash with flash and other janitorial delights.
NEW WATERGATE MENU. Times change. Tastes change. But some things never change.

Issue #36 - 7/17/87

WHO RAN THE CIRCUS. The Who's down in Whoville want to know just what is going on.
CAVIAR AND WHITE BREAD. Dennis Wallaker recounts more tales from the underside of the "Good Life".
THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE OS/3. Byte Back Systems is back, and user unfriendly has never had it so good -- er, bad.
INTERSTELLAR FOLLIES. Space Opera is alive and well, and going where it has always gone before.

Issue #37 - 8/21/87

DEATH OF A NOBLE SPORT. Or Man Bytes Computer.
PLUGGING INTO THE LIFESTYLE. When you're in the Minority, it's best to lighten up.
UNDER OUR NOSES. Wake up and smell it.
INTERSTELLAR FOLLIES EPISODE 2. Space Opera is alive and well, and going where it has always gone before.

Issue #38 - 9/18/87

EDITORIAL. Obligatory ramblings from your humble editor.
THE UNDERWORLD OF THE INNERCITY. Dennis Wallaker tries to make friends with all around him.
THE RED M & ENANCE. Another frightening revelation from that ol' paranoic, Greenscreen.
INTERSTELLAR FOLLIES EPISODE 3. Space isn't the only thing warped in this issue's twisted episode.

Issue #39 - 10/16/87

JOURNEY TO THE CRYPT. Dennis Wallaker takes a look at visits from Mom and other horror stories.
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE RIDERS. And we thought OUR government was really strange.
FRUIT BASKET UPSET. Things go bananas as scandal racks the produce departments of America.
INTERSTELLAR FOLLIES EPISODE 4. It's the crew's move as Sonny "hogs" the glory.

Issue #40 - 11/20/87

THE SIXTIES RE-BOOTED. High tech mysticism is alive and everything is guru-vy.
CAESAR'S WIFE'S LAWYER. Judging character the Alternate Universe way.
A BUNGLE OF JOY. Toward a unified theory of parenthood.
MEANDERING - ON WHO ACTUALLY STOLE THE KISCHKA. Dennis Wallaker explores the joys of life among the violent.

Issue #41 - 12/18/87

THAT WILL BE THE YEAR THAT WASN'T. If you thought 1987 was strange, wait until you see ZIP Beep's predictions for 1988.
GOBACHEV IS COMING TO TOWN. That jolly old guy from the north has a Christmas present. But don't forget that he sees you when you're sleeping.
TECHNO-TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS 1987. Just when you thought it was safe to go shopping again.
ROBO-CLAUS. He knows if you've been naughty or nice, so you'd better watch out!

Issue #42 - 1/22/88

WAITING FOR THE 21ST CENTURY. In which our heroine faces up to the times.
STUPID COMPUTER TRICKS. Or, how to amuse yourself on a winter's night if you're really bored.
IS NASTY BACK? More ravings from the original nice-guy-in-spite-of-himself.
CURE FOR THE COMMON CODE. Just say ><

Issue #43 - 2/19/88

POWER GORDONS #1. To lead or not to lead? And why not?
THE REAL WINTER OLYMPICS. Now you can be a gold medalist, too!
THE LOST NOTES OF GREGOR "THE GREEK" MENDEL. A scientific gamble nearly pays off.
THE YUPPIESTOCK FESTIVAL OF GAIN AND GOLDCARDS. The Alternate Universe throws the ultimate "Power Lunch."

Issue #44 - 3/18/88

POKES AT FOLKS PART I. The explanation of POLKS AT FOLKS II.
POKES AT FOLKS PART II. The BASIC program made possible by the Supreme Court.
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF TV-LAND. Somewhere over the cathode ray tube.
LOBSTER, SHRIMP & OTHER GUYS I'VE EATEN IN RESTAURANTS I COULDN'T AFFORD TO BE IN. Food for thought.

Issue #45 - 4/22/88

A FIELD GUIDE TO FREEWAY FLORA AND FAUNA. A look at some endangering species. By Don Fitzwater
HIDDEN MESSAGES IN ROCK & ROLL LYRICS. Save one for the Tipper. By Richard Dargis
TRICKY TUESDAY. A movie review. By Chuck Strinz
PREPARATIONS FOR CLOSE ENCOUNTERS. Klaatu barada nikto meets cheedar, colby and camembert. By Jeff Schneider
MORE STUFF ABOUT FOOD. A breakdown on what not to eat and where to eat it. By Dennis Wallker

Issue #46 - 5/20/88

POWER USER, HEAL THY DISK. Faith, Hard Drives, and the Boot-Agains. By Don Fitzwater
AQUARIAN. A song for our times. By Chuck Strinz
FATHER X GOES TO ORRIN. Another True Life Adventure from Jeff Schneider
50 WAYS TO LEAD A LOAFER. Just Singing in the Reign. By Ed Eubanks

Issue #47 - 6/17/88

LIMERICK U. Professor Ed Eubanks shows his class.
BOMBS AWAY. Don Fitzwater's found more to laugh at than the D.O.D.'s budget.
MODEMRY POETRY. Online lines from Dennis Wallaker.
RON REAGAN'S BIG BOOK OF INDIANS. A Primer by the western world's favorite cowboy, as related to Chuck Strinz

Issue #48 - 7/22/88

POLITICAL INEPTITUDE TEST. P.I.T. yourself against the politicians, with help from Ed Eubanks
MODERN FARMING. Dry humor from Chuck Strinz
INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR IN THE BATHROOMS OF OTHERS. The sweet flush of excess from Dennis Wallaker
WHO FRAMED RONNIE RAYGUN. Foontown follies galore, a movie review from Don Fitzwater

Issue #49 - 8/27/88

EDITORIAL RESPONSE - AMERICA NEEDS GREETINGS. Beware of greetings bearing text
MAKIN' TRACKS. Our hero's training is right on track
ZOFTIG AND WHY THEY DON'T CALL FAT GUYS "RUBENESQUE". La-Z-Boys and the girth of a nation
THROUGH A MICRO DARKLY. Where some aliens really dig Earth's history

Issue #50 - 9/16/88

ANNIVERSARY ISSUE EXTRA: AWARDS OF QUESTION. Don Fitzwater celebrates the beginning of ZIP's 5th year, with the usual nonsense.
MY WEEK AND THE PHILOSOPHY OF WOOD. Dennis Wallaker has had a week of good and bad, all crawling into bed with each other to make his life confusing.
OUGH BOUY! ING LITSCH! Ed Eubanks examines a strange language.
THE LAST TEMPTATION OF ELVIS. Chuck Strinz reviews a movie about the King.

Issue #51 - 10/21/88

EDITORIAL: HALLOWEEN, ELECTION '88 AND OTHER SCARY STORIES. Don Fitzwater finds plenty to be scared about.
THE SPORT OF KINGMAKING. Ed Eubanks "sports" a different view of the election.
THE CERTAINLY STRANGE IMPRESSIONS I GET FROM ANYONE NAMED STEVE. Dennis Wallaker finds it all in a name.
MAN BITES SOUND. Chuck Strinz tunes into another Alternate Universe channel.

Issue #52 - 11/29/88

ADA MEVE & PARADISE LOST. Ed Eubanks gives us some poetic justice
THE WORLD OF KINDLY DOCTOR CRANDAL. Kindly Doctor Crandal shows us just what he cares about
HOLIDAY LETTER TO GEORGE BUSH FROM MY DAD. Dennis Wallaker's Dad explains it all
COMPUTIN' (With apologies to the Grateful Dead). Don Fitzwater knows what a long strange trip it's been

Issue #53 - 12/16/88

THE ULTIMATE PROPAGANDA MACHINE. Donald Trump unveils the WEALTH bomber
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE NEW YEAR (1969). Kids don't try this at home
MABEBE YES, MABEBE NO. A memo about PLO Chairman Yassir Sadats MaBebe from the Alternate Universe
THE EIGHT YEARS OF REAGAN. Twelve final parting shots.

Issue #54 - 1/20/89

THE UNBEARABLE BYTENESS OF BEING. Greenscreen freaks out
AN IMMORTAL BALLAD. Ode to the miracle of '88 by Chuck Strinz
THIS IS THE ONE. More tales from the lovely Laurel Apartments
SAM GOETZ MEETS THE LIBYANS. A Top Gun confrontation at High Noon

Issue #55 - 3/03/89

ARFICE POLITICS. Chuck Strinz dogs the media
HIGH BALL, HARD BROW - THE REPUBLICANS ARE STILL HERE. More tales from the lovely Laurel Apartments
DUFAS PROFILES. 12 out of 12 Ollie North jurors drink Dufas Scotch
SONS OF THE PIONEERS. Billy Joe Baud drags main

Issue #56 - 4/14/89

SAFE COMPUTING. What's worse than a computer virus?
ARNOLD FINKY. Rambling relevations from the poet of the lovely Laurel Apartments
COMPUTING IS NEXT TO GODLINESS. An ALTERNATE UNIVERSE NEWS Feature
MOVIE REVIEW. A man-on-the-street approach to film criticism

Issue #57 - 5/05/89

ADVERTISING SPACE. Putting the Reds in the black
MORE INFO ON ANIMALS. Dennis Wallaker picks up what Marlin Perkins left out
MY DOG ATE IT: HIGHER TECH EXCUSES FOR HIGH TECH TIMES. What to do when personal unproductivity rules the day
THE DOUBLE HELIUMIX. A Cleft Notes Guide with apologies to Watson & Crick

Issue #58 6/02/89

STREET FESTIVALS FOR OUR TIMES. Chuck Strinz takes a look at the way we weren't
ANOTHER LOVE STORY. Love comes to Dennis Wallaker and the lovely Laurel Apartments
POLITICAL DEVOLUTION. Poetic justice of a different kind
RIDERS OF THE PURPLE RAGE. Billy Joe Baud is back...and he's gunning for hackers

Issue #59 - 8/04/89

THE BOOK OF THE MONK CLUB. There's no place like tome, sweet tome
LOST TO THE OZONE AGAIN. Rick Mons gets caught between a xerox and a hard place
THE ENDLESS (AND/OR MEANINGLESS) STORY. Dennis Wallaker on life, love, death and editors
THE FLAGMAN. The road to oblivion is closer than you think

Issue #60 - 9/30/89

INTRODUCTION TO ZIP BEEP / FIFTH ANNIVERSARY EDITORIAL. What a long strange trip its been... by Chuck Strinz
ROCK BOTTOM: THE WORST THAT RADIO HAS OFFERED. Golden Moldies...look back and shudder. by Barry J. Bottger
IZZY'S ROCK. What IS between a rock and a hard place? by J. Landman Gay
STATE FAIR ON A STICK. That annual celebration of over indulgence is back. by Sue Fitzwater
THE SILICON CURTAIN. War among the chips...whose side are you on? by Billy Joe Baud
HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION. Proving health food is all in how you look at it. by J. Landman Gay

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